


is it just me?

by lesrvbian



Series: random drabbles for maknae line [2]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/F, Songfic, i was planning this for about a few weeks, kinda sad, post break up thoughts, rip hyunjins mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21869803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesrvbian/pseuds/lesrvbian
Summary: hyunjin and heejin broke up. hyunjin has some thoughts about it.anYWAYS I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY SONGFIC
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Slight Jeon Heejin/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Series: random drabbles for maknae line [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1481525
Kudos: 31





	is it just me?

**Author's Note:**

> i know i have 82828 other things to do but this fic was calling mY NAME 😤😫

**_It's been way too long for me to find it this hard_ **

**_Sitting alone, my fingers picking the sofa apart_ **

**_In attempt to distract from the fact that I miss you_ **

We broke up. 

After our 2 year anniversary you break up with me. I think you finally saw all the flaws I had, all the reasons I thought I was never good for you. 

And now I’m here. By myself in my apartment that used to be ours reminiscing about the good times we had. I’m left wondering, why did you break up with me? I thought we were happy together, you told me I was your world, that I am everything to you and you loved me. I guess that was a lie. 

Everyday in everything I see is all the memories we shared together. We always cook together, even though I knew in doing so it’d take much longer than needed to finish I’d still cook with you. Or how in the couch we would cuddle together and even though you’re shorter than me you’d i sit in being the big spoon because you were older. I’d say only by a month but comply anyways. 

And now we can’t do that anymore. 

**_I wonder if your friends have had to carry you home_ **

**_And stay for the night because they don't want to leave you alone_ **

I think I went out drinking almost every night since the breakup. Sooyoung, Jinsoul and Hyejoo all had to drag me out of there every single time. They were there for me through it all even though they have a life outside of taking care of me, they were always there. 

I’d try and go to the person I trust and confide in the most, but that person is you, and it’s not the same anymore. 

I can't go into your arms and cuddle with you, ranting about the day I had, telling you my fears and my dreams talking about problems with my family. You became the only person I'd open up to and it’s like I write in a diary only for you to burn it in a blazing fire. 

They’re scared of what would happen to me when I’m alone, but I’ve been better recently. I only drink once a week and not every day. Maybe then I’ll forget that you didn’t want me. 

**_I heard a rumour you've been spending some time_ **

**_With that blonde girl you work with and I know she's exactly your type_ **

**_And my miserable mind's running wild with the picture_ **

They say her name is Kim Jungeun, and they showed me pictures and told me what she’s like and I realized why you fell for her. She fits into your type perfectly. Subtle with her affection, and cute and athletic, she’s your height too. Maybe you left me for her. Were you cheating or did you like her so much that you just couldn’t stand the thought of not dating her? Usually I’d think of the less hurtful answer because it’s you, and you couldn’t ever hurt a person like that, but after the pain you put me through, I’m not sure anymore. 

If you are dating her, I hope you treat each other like the sun, the moon and the stars. I think I didn’t do that well enough. I hope you’re happy with her though. 

**_Or are you there by yourself, dialing, redialing my number?_ **

**_And I'm calling your mother, spilling tears on my jumper again_ **

**_The way I am_ **

Your mom is still the best mother I have ever encountered. Even though we’re not together anymore she still treats me like her daughter. I cry to her when things aren’t going well, I mean she was family I never had. My mom isn’t around anymore, perfect timing right, but yours is. She wants you to spend more time with her, she misses you.

I still wonder why she isn’t mad at me despite the break up. 

  
  


**_Tell me does you heart stop, at the party, when my name drops_ **

**_Like you stood at the platform when the trains cross_ **

**_Are you hurting? Yeah, you must be_ **

I remember the first time I had to bring up that we broke up. A week after my birthday, lovely birthday present by the way (the break up if you couldn’t tell (this is sarcasm if you couldn’t tell)). 

I don’t talk about my emotions that often but you don’t know how sad I became after the break up. I was playing basketball with Sooyoung and she was asking what’s wrong and then she brought up your name and I couldn’t keep myself together anymore and bawled in her shirt. 

**_Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside_ **

**_When I say that we broke up and they ask why_ **

She called our friends and they all came over comforting me. Then someone asked the question that seemed taboo to ask:

“Why did you guys break up?”

I told them what I know, which is barely anything. I invited you over to spend time with me because in all honestly that’s all I wanted to do on my birthday. You broke up with me as soon as you saw my face. Were you that disgusted by my face that you had to do it so quickly? And in my birthday? 

And to think I was gonna propose that day. 

**_Cause this would be one whole lot easier_ **

**_God, I know that's selfish but it's true_ **

**_If underneath some calm exterior_ **

**_You're all fucked up too_ **

Why does it seem like I’m the only person affected by this break up? Last time I checked in our relationship both of the two people in it put full effort into making each other. Or maybe you grew tired of me over the past few months before the birthday. 

Maybe if you were affected by the past 2 years of dating and 6 years of friendship being thrown away in a minute, I’d might move in quicker. 

**_Are you crying in the shower like a freak_ **

**_With only cigarettes for company?_ **

In the nicest way possible, I really hoped that all you were left alone so you knew how it felt. Then again I hoped you moved on quickly. And I hoped that you were happy. I guess I can’t have contradicting wishes for you. 

I just thought maybe you’d go through the crying, the depression I had, you’d be unable to move on you’d reminisce every moment we had together and maybe you’d just treat this break up like it mattered. Are you crying in the shower so no one can tell tears from shower water known how fucked up your life is because we’re not together anymore? Are you actually upset that we broke up?

  
  


**_Or is it just me?_ **

**Author's Note:**

> okay i’m sorry for the angst but i’m in the mood for angst if you wanna gimme prompt ideas my cc is lgbtjungns


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